


Forgive the sea, follow the tide

by kristsune



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Introspection, M/M, Monsters in love, elias is actually conscientious of peter's feelings and preferences, glimpse into peter's childhood, peter and elias are only soft with each other, touch-averse peter lukas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:28:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22107853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kristsune/pseuds/kristsune
Summary: Peter finds he doesn't mind touch from one unexpected source.
Relationships: Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas
Comments: 26
Kudos: 225





	Forgive the sea, follow the tide

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this started out as me wanting to work on my own feelings on possibly being touch averse, but then Peter commandeered this boat and sailed wherever he pleased, which was right into Elias XD.  
> I listened to a lot of the LUSH album by Mitski to write this, and in fact made [a post](https://kristsune.tumblr.com/post/190027148439/kristsune-kristsune-kristsune-me-wants-to) about how perfectly some of the lyrics from this album fits these two bastards.The title is from Pearl Diver  
> Also, the last scene was very much inspired by [this lovely art.](https://kristsune.tumblr.com/post/189939363889)

Peter had never really enjoyed physical touch. He certainly never received it when he was a child. He couldn’t remember a single time his mother reached out with a caring hand, or even an uncaring one. It didn’t bother him though, he probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it anyway. The few times he interacted with his siblings, they attempted to reach out, with their too hot, grasping hands, but Peter was always sure to stay just outside their reach. By the time he was old enough to dress himself, the only touch he had ever obtained from the rotating staff was to brush off his suit. After the first time it had happened, Peter told the valet not to do it again. Peter never saw that one again, and the next one never touched him at all, much to his satisfaction. 

Even now, Peter could go months on end without even the most casual touch. There was enough space on the _Tundra_ \- when he deigned to leave his isolated cabin to take a stroll around the deck - to avoid brushing shoulders with any of the crew. To be fair, he usually took his walks in the dead of night, during the lightest watch. All he could hear was the waves, the wind, and the creaking of his ship. His eyes couldn't pierce the dark, and he felt utterly alone on the open ocean. It was _perfect_.

Peter was always grateful for his larger size whenever he had to endure any sort of populated areas. Having a wide frame, and taller stature meant people tended to give him a wide berth. It was interesting to be perceived as intimidating when in reality, Peter rather just not be seen at all. Which, to be fair, sometimes he did just that. When people got too close, the crowds suffocating him, surrounding him, making him feel trapped in a way he _despised_ ; Peter would simply step into the Lonely, breathe a sigh of relief, and continue on his way.

Peter lived like that for a long time, and was content. Well, as content as an Avatar for the Forsaken could be. But then he found Elias (or rather, Elias found him). True, he had known him as James Wright, and that he was in reality Jonah Magnus, but Elias was simultaneously both the same, and so _very_ different. 

The first time Elias touched him - a hand at the elbow - it was soft and feather light, like he knew how sensitive he was. Which, in all honesty, he probably did. But the thing that shocked Peter the most, was he didn’t instantly recoil from it. It was strange to be touched for sure, but it didn’t feel wrong or completely opposed to himself. Normally Peter was quite good at keeping a bland, placid smile on his face, but his surprise must have shown through, because Elias only smiled, and gently slid his hand down the rest of his arm before removing his touch. 

After that, Peter wouldn’t say he _craved_ touch, because it simply wasn’t true. But, anytime Elias was near, he would reach out, and Peter would allow it. He wouldn’t step away, or shrug it off, or slip either of them into the Lonely, or even just stare menacingly. When Elias reached out, Peter found himself, for the first time in his life, reaching back.

The first time they actually made skin on skin contact - Elias’ hand gently resting at the side of his neck - it felt like electricity buzzing under his skin, sending a current through him. But it was tempered by the fact that Elias’ hand was _cool_. Peter always ran cold, and even accidental touch with most people felt much too hot, even through clothing. The person’s hand burning a hole through his jacket jarring his entire system. 

Even though Elias ran warmer than he did, Elias was never _hot_ . Contact between them didn’t hurt, or feel incompatible, or uncomfortable. Elias knew how and where to touch in exactly the right way as to not overwhelm him. Whether it was a gift from the Eye, or just something purely _Elias_ , Peter wasn’t sure, and honestly? He didn’t particularly care. Elias knew when it got to be too much; when the electricity under his skin buzzed, and crackled and needed to be dispersed. He would back off, allow Peter to get up and roam, or simply create space between them. 

Peter had a moment of existential crisis while laying in bed with Elias. The soft light from an overcast sky filtering in, with the sound of gentle rain on the window made for the perfect morning to stay in. Peter was laying on top of Elias, head resting on his chest, arms tucked up and under his back. Elias was reading, holding the book with one hand, the other gently running his hand through Peter’s hair. 

Peter was laying, in full contact with another person, another Avatar sure, but someone other than himself. Not only that, but he was… _content_. Comfortable together even in their silence. Was everything up to this point a waste? How would he properly be able to feed his god if he wasn’t completely alone? Was he even truly a Lukas anymore? 

Elias’ hand stopped mid stroke, picking up on how still Peter had gone, “Peter? Are you quite alright? Would you like me to stop?”

Hearing the concern in his voice, Peter was also reminded of the longing they would both feel, and the sharp pain of being alone after a time together. Of how they would both miss each other, even if neither would ever admit it aloud. And how that very specific loneliness fed his god just as well as any other. For the ache of missing something you couldn’t have was just as nourishing as believing you were utterly alone in the world.

“No… I’m alright, for now.” Elias resumed running his hand through Peter’s thick hair.

No. There was nothing wrong with him. Being with Elias, and enjoying his touch on occasions like this, would only help feed the Forsaken later.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm strongly thinking of submitting this for The Tundra Project, please let me know what you think/if its a good gift for Alasdair!
> 
> feel free to stop by and say hi on [tumblr!](https://kristsune.tumblr.com/)


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